Ipinaskil ni: ahkong | Nobyembre 5, 2008

Lafing Trip

Lafing trip muna tayo mga presnter, o heto hitit muna tayo ng juts…..

Oh dahan dahan lang, wag mong sagad sa rootches….pwede pang ihalo sa brownies yan….LOLs

Parang totoo ah….amputeks

Nahalukay ko itong lumang Erap Jokes sa lumang baul ni Lola Basyang…. Oo dun mismo, sa hindi ko malamang dahilan eh paano napunta yung Erap Jokes dun eh…talagang wala akong kaalam-alam.

Kahit luma na eh halagpak pa rin ako ng tawa…. maluha-luha na tulo pa sipon sa sobrang kapraningan…. kaya enjoy muna tayo mg presnter, sana kahit sandali malimutan ninyo ang mga suliranin ninyo sa haybu….

FRIES
Kumain sa isang sosyal na restaurant sina Erap at FVR.
“Give me Swiss Steak and French Fries”
order ni FVR sa ingles.
“And you Sir? tanong ng waiter.
“The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too” sagot ni Erap.

GROUP
Erap was asked if a group of birds is called a flock of bird, and a group of fish is called a school of fish, and a group of wolves is called a pack of wolves, then what do you call a group of dogs?
Erap: Madali lang yan, anong akala ninyo sa akin tanga!
Di anser is “asociation”.

BRIDGE
Nagpunta si Erap sa England at nag-meet sila ng prime minister.
Habang kumakain, nagtanong ang prime minister.

“Is San Juanico Bridge the longest bridge in the Philippines?”
“Yes,” mabilis na sagot ni Erap saka biglang nag-isip ng maitatanong din, “Ah… Is London Bridge falling down?”

ANONG GATAS?
“Ang gatas ko noong baby ako, Lactum,” kuwento ni Marcos sa ibang presidente.
“Ah ako, Enfalac, ‘yun ang mahal, eh,” sagot ni Cory.
“Ako, Lactogen, kaya ganito ako katalino,” sabi ni Ramos.
“Ikaw, Erap, ano ang iniinom mo noon?” tanong ng tatlo.
“Ano yata Lactacyd.”

ALLEGATIONS
In a cabinet meeting ERAP (galit na galit) :
THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF ALLEGATIONS THESE DAYS AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO THE “ALLIGATORS’ ARE.

The most intelligent “presidentiable”
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to a televised
debate.

To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.

Miriam asks the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” Erap doesn’t say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to Miriam.

Now, it’s his turn. He asks Miriam: “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?” Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.

She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail.

After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills. Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the Ps5,000 and turns away to go home.

Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, “Well, so what IS the answer!?”

Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos….

SAVE
FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blindfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: “10, 9, 8,….”.
FVR shouts, “Flood!”. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.
It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: “Earthquake!”. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.
Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: “10, 9, 8, 7….”. Erap had a mental block. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…”
Erap shouted: “Fire!”.

ERAP IN LIBRARY
“What time does the library open?”

Erap on the phone asked.
“Nine A.M. ” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?”
“Not until nine A.M.?” Erap asked in a disappointed voice.
“No, not till nine A.M.!” the librarian said.
“Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?”
“ha, who said I wanted to get in?” Erap sighed
sadly. “I want to get out!”

IN LABOR
One particular day many years ago, Erap’s
wife was having labor pains.
Erap panicked so he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

ANOTHER EXAMPLE
Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?
ERAP: Carabao, ma’am!

Teacher: Very good. Can you give another example?
ERAP: How about another Carabao?

TESTING
Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light
(as driver switches on the parking light)
Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)
Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)
Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…….

WA CLASS
Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: “Mr. President, what can you say about the economy?”
Erap: “I don’t know, kasi nasa first class ako.”

SUNOG
Nasunog ang Malaca?ang kaya inalalayan si Erap ng maraming PSG para makalabas.
“Sir, dito po ang daan,” sabi ng isang PSG na itinuturo ang fire exit.
“Gago ka ba? Gusto mo bang masunog ako?
Eh diyan nga ang labasan ng apoy eh,” sagot ni Erap.

KAMUKHA DAW
Jingoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon?
Erap: Mukha kang pera.

THE WIFE
Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap, “I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?”
Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, “Oh, my wife just passed away.”

CEASEFIRE
ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!
MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.
ERAP : Tang na! Tuloy ang giyera.

AIR PRESSURE
Pa-landing na ang presidential plane. Napansin ng stewardess na parang sumasakit ang tenga ni President Erap dahil sa air pressure kaya
lumapit ito.
“Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumakit ang tenga ninyo sa flight,” sabi ng stewardess.
Tinanggap ni Erap ang chewing gum. Ilang sandali pa, lumapag na ang eroplano. Kinausap ni Erap ang stewardess.
“Miss, paano ko tatanggalin ang chewing gum sa tenga ko?” tanong nito.

PASALOAD
ERAP: Loi, pasahan mo nga ako ng 2 my importante lang akong itetext. ~ LOI: (P2 send) ~
ERAP: (message received) OK!! got it thanks! ~ LOI: Tanga! wag ka ng magreply, Sayang!! ~ ERAP: ok!

INFORMATION
Erap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco?
Operator: Just a minute sir…
Erap: Thank you! (klik).

Logic Lang Iyan
One day, Erap sees Pres. Ramos reading a book on logic.
Erap : Fidel, mahirap yata iyang binabasa mong libro.
Ramos : Hindi, logic lang ito, madali lang.
Erap : Ano ba yang logic na yan, hindi ko yata alam yan.
Ramos : Ganito lang yan, may aquarium ka ba sa bahay?
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Kung may aquarium ka, eh di mahilig ka sa isda.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : At kung mahilig ka sa isda, mahilig ka rin sa dagat.
Erap: Oo.
Ramos ; Eh di kung mahilig ka sa dagat, gusto mo pumupunta sa beach.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : At kung mahilig kang pumunta sa beach, mahilig ka sa babaeng naka-bathing suit.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Eh kung mahilig ka sa mga seksing babaeng naka-bathing suit, >eh >>di >> > >lalakeng – lalaki ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Eh kung lalakeng – lalaki ka, eh di macho ka.
Erap : Oo.
Ramos : Kita mo na na, ganyan lang ang logic!
Erap : Okey pala yang logic na yan, ah!
The following day, Erap sees Maceda in the Senate. . .
Erap : Pare,Maceda, susubukan ko lang itong tinuro sa aking logic ni Ramos.
Maceda : Sige nga!
Erap : May aquarium ka ba sa bahay?
Maceda : Wala.
Erap : BAKLA! BAKLA! BAKLA!


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